The Enemy Within
by madeleine68
Summary: Olivia will do anything for Alex. THE FINAL CHAPTER IS UP! A/O Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We all know that nothing's mine. Such is life. Very sad.**

She was on her knees, tears streaking down her cheeks as she begged for him to leave her alone. I'd never seen her cry before and this sudden display of vulnerability frightened me. "Please," she pleaded. "Please don't – please – please . . ."

His pants were down and he was pushing himself into her mouth as she sobbed. "Make me enjoy it," he growled.

She scanned the room wildly and then noticed me standing in the doorway. I saw the recognition in her eyes, and then the shame, and then the fear. The message in her baby blues was clear: _Help me!_

I didn't think twice. I pointed my gun and pulled the trigger.

**Suspense! Duh duh duh! Would you like the next chapter? Review if you would!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry that this is another short one, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thanks for all the reviews! **

I woke up drenched in sweat, reaching instinctively for my gun. Sure enough, it was on my bedside table, just where I'd left it. Sitting up, I glanced down at my bed and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Alex sleeping peacefully beside me, her long blonde hair splayed over her face, making her look even more angelic than she did on a daily basis.

I gently brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, just to assure myself that she was really here. She didn't stir, but smiled in her sleep. Before I met Alex, I'd never known that it was possible to smile in your sleep, but she did it all the time.

I just sat there for a few moments, watching her, savoring the moment. Savoring the serenity that being so close to Alex brought me.

Suddenly, she opened her eyes. Her baby blues stared into my dark ones, and then she laughed. "'Morning, Liv," she murmured, sitting up and pulling me into a breathtaking good morning kiss. I closed my eyes and leaned into the kiss, the sweet contact pushing away all the fears that were bubbling inside me from the dream I'd had.

Finally oxygen became a necessity and we broke apart, gazing into each other's eyes. Hers were so beautiful, blue and endless like the ocean. You could drown in those eyes. I did, time and time again. "'Morning, princess," I said with a smile, gently running a hand through her silky blonde tresses.

Alex smiled back, curling up against me. "You called me princess."

"You are a princess," I told her, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

She snuggled closer to me, then said in a voice still bleary from sleep, "Do you know what?"

"What?"

"I don't want to go to work today."

I smiled. "Me neither. But _you _can be the one to call our bosses and tell them."

"I respectfully decline," she said, laughing. "Or maybe not so respectfully." She climbed off the bed, then turned back to me. "Oh – can I borrow your scarf?"

"Which one?"

"You have too many scarves!" she said, shaking her head good-naturedly. "The beige one."

I grinned. "Which beige one?"

She threw a pillow at me. "I'm getting in the shower."

I didn't tell Alex about the dream. I couldn't. It would worry her, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to tell Alex anything that might make her gorgeous smile fade away.

**Review for chapter three!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews! Since you waited so patiently, I think I'll give you this next installment. ****Enjoy.**

Alex dropped by the precinct to pick me up for lunch. "Hey, beautiful," I greeted her with a smile.

She laughed. "You ready to go?"

I glanced at the guys to make sure they were watching, then leaned forward to pull her into a soft kiss. She smiled into the kiss, then lightly pushed me away. "Stop showing off."

"Hey, Liv," called John, waving his hands to get my attention. "Get a room, okay?"

"Yeah, _Liv_," said Alex, a mischievous glint in her baby blues. "Let's go get a room."

I laughed. "Would lunch be sufficient?"

"For now."

I turned to Elliot. "Hey, El, cover for me if the captain asks."

"Got it." He winked. "Have a good time with Cabot."

"Oh, I'll make sure she does," said Alex with a sly grin.

"It's just lunch!" I protested. "Believe me, Elliot, we do a lot more _after _work."

"A _lot _more," agreed Alex.

Elliot laughed. "A bit too much information, Liv. See you later."

I smirked and allowed Alex to shepherd me out the door.

"I quite enjoyed that little show you put on in there, Detective," she commented dryly as we started for a quaint café across the street from the precinct. It was one of our favorite places to go for lunch.

"Did you?" I asked lightly. "I enjoyed it too."

She laughed. "I only have an hour. Liz is out at some meeting and I need to get back before she does."

I planted a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Don't worry. I'll have you back in exactly fifty-nine minutes and thirty-two seconds."

She pushed me away, but playfully. "Where did that number come from?"

I shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea."

We sat down at our usual table in the café and ordered our drinks. "What are you going to have?" asked Alex. "Wait, let me guess. A burger and a Caesar salad."

Smirking, I nodded and pushed my menu away. "Well, they have really good burgers here."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't you sometimes think that you're missing out?"

"Why?"

"Wouldn't it be nice to walk into a restaurant and not know what you're going to get before you even open the menu?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Why don't you try it before you judge?"

"No, thank you," I said politely. "I'll take your word for it."

The waitress came by again with our drinks and we placed our orders. Then we sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes. We always made a point not to talk about work when we went out for meals together, but that sometimes left little to talk about when we were both absorbed in a case.

Just for the sake of having something to say, I said, "We should take a vacation. Just the two of us."

"Sure," she replied sarcastically. "We'll fit that in right between the next murder victim and my semi-weekly ass chewing from Liz."

I had to laugh. "Is that my fault?"

"More often than not."

"Why?"

"Because you always ask me to stretch the boundaries of the law," she explained patiently.

"First of all, 'always' is a generalization. Second of all, you don't _have _to do what I ask you."

She smiled indulgently. "Yes, I do."

I smiled back and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. "True. Very true."

Alex grinned. "Liz told me last week that I need to focus more on my job and less on keeping you happy. Well, she actually said it in a more . . . explicit . . . and less appropriate . . . manner. She said if I spent half as much time thinking about the job as I do thinking about you, I would be the best ADA in her office."

I thought about that. "She's probably right."

"Probably," agreed Alex, smirking.

The waitress showed up and brought us our meals. "Is there anything else I can get you?" she asked.

"No, thank you," said Alex politely, and the waitress disappeared.

We started our food. Well, Alex started _her _food. I felt slightly nauseous when I saw my hamburger. The ketchup on the edge of my plate reminded me too much of blood, the blood that I'd seen in my dream last night. The blood that was pouring out of the man who I'd shot after he tried to rape Alex.

_It was just a dream,_ I reminded myself, trying to calm my racing heart at the memory. _It was just a dream._

"Liv?" Alex's quiet voice cut into my thoughts. "Are you okay?"

I snapped out of my trance. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." I forced myself to take a bite of the hamburger and immediately felt ill. "Um, I had a snack before coming here. I'm not as hungry as I thought."

She looked disappointed. "Did you forget our date?"

I forced a laugh. "It's not exactly a _date_, Alex. It's going out for a burger."

"_You _get a burger," she corrected me, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. "I like to expand my horizons and order something different sometimes."

"Whatever. I wasn't so hungry."

"Are you sure you're all right?" she asked again, knitting her brows in concern.

I managed a small smile. "Yeah. You worry too much."

She nodded, appeased for now.

I pushed my plate away and tried not to think of blood and perps and victims and rape and the harm that could befall the woman I loved if I wasn't careful.

**Review for chapter four!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all your reviews! Enjoy this next part.**

That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. I was terrified of the nightmares that might return if I fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake up screaming.

"Could you stay still?" Alex finally griped, pulling a pillow over her head. "I'm trying to sleep."

I hadn't realized she was still awake. "Sorry, baby," I apologized, and immediately stilled my body.

She sighed and wriggled closer to me, fitting her body neatly against mine. She clearly felt bad for snapping at me. I wrapped my arms around Alex and held her securely in my arms, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

"I love you, Alex," I whispered, running my fingers through her long blonde tresses.

"I love you, too," she murmured before drifting off to sleep.

I could hear her even breathing in my arms and tried to force my pounding heart to slow its rhythm. Being so close to her was always exhilarating, and I had to wonder again and again how I'd gotten so lucky.

But I still couldn't sleep. I lay awake all night, watching over my Alex. Just in case.

* * *

She got home the next day with exhaustion written all over her face. She was ten minutes late and even though I knew I was being paranoid, I'd been worried. I breathed a sigh of relief when she came into the living room where I was watching television. "Hey," she said softly.

I raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Instead, I pulled her onto my lap. "Hey, princess. Are you okay?"

She nodded, leaning back against me and closing her eyes. "Fine."

I knew she wasn't, but I didn't push. I gently massaged her shoulders, alleviating their strain, and I didn't say a word.

I could feel the tension melting off her shoulders and still I continued to rub them in a gentle rhythm. I planted a kiss on the crown of her head and murmured, "I love you, baby."

She didn't say anything, just sighed, resting her head against my shoulder.

We stayed like that for awhile, until Alex said in that same quiet voice, "I'm going to make myself a cup of tea. Do you want some coffee?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks, honey." I obediently released my hold on her and let her get up. I looked down at my lap where she'd been sitting and bit back a gasp when I saw that my pants were stained with blood. "Alex, you're bleeding!"

Her eyes widened, then she looked down at my lap. "My period," she whispered, looking at the ground. "I'm sorry."

I just stared at her. "Didn't you have a pad?" I asked without thinking.

She blushed and shook her head.

I flushed, realizing I'd embarrassed her. "Sorry. It's okay. I'll . . . get changed."

She nodded mutely, then retreated to the bathroom, presumably to find a sanitary napkin.

I watched her go, wondering what was wrong. I knew there was _something _bothering her, but I couldn't help her if she didn't want to tell me what it was.

But maybe I wouldn't be able to help her anyway and that was why she didn't tell me. She didn't want me to try.

So I didn't ask Alex anything, just went into the bedroom and put on a pair of sweatpants. They were more comfortable than my work clothes anyway.

* * *

We were lying on opposite sides of the bed that night and the distance between us was tearing my heart out. I reached out to Alex, wanting to hold her close to me, but she pulled away, and my heart shattered into tiny pieces. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. Had I embarrassed her by asking about her period?

Then something occurred to me that made my breath hitch for a moment and I had to fight for air. Alex had her period barely three weeks ago. She couldn't be on her period now.

_Maybe it just came early, _I tried to rationalize. _That happens sometimes. Why would Alex lie to me? She wouldn't. That was all there was to it._

But I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling. And again that night, I dreamed of the faceless, nameless man, and Alex on her knees, sobbing and begging for me to save her from certain destruction.

**Hmm . . . so what's Alex hiding? Do you want to find out? Review if you do!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks again for all your kind reviews! Enjoy this next chapter.**

But the next morning, things were back to normal, and I had to wonder whether last night had just been a horrible, horrible nightmare. Alex woke me up with a soft kiss and gentle fingers threading through my hair. "'Morning, Liv," she murmured.

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that things had returned to equilibrium. Or so I thought. "'Morning, princess," I said with a small smile.

She tucked a few stray strands of hair behind my ear. "You were crying in your sleep," she informed me.

I sighed. I'd been hoping she hadn't noticed. I didn't want to worry her. "I'm sorry if I kept you up," I offered.

She got this faraway look in her eyes and said quietly, "Did you have another nightmare?"

I nodded.

"What was it about?"

I sighed and pulled her into my arms, taking comfort in the knowledge that she has here, safe, with me. "Let's not talk about it, baby, okay?"

She sighed too and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Okay." She pressed a kiss to my temple. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you, too," I told her. I could feel her shivering in my arms, and I asked, "Are you cold?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay."

I pulled the covers more tightly over us anyway. "Is that better?"

She nodded, leaning into me and closing her eyes. "What time is it?"

I rolled over and glanced at the clock. "Shit!" I hissed. "We're going to be late for work."

Surprisingly, Alex didn't seem to mind. She just cuddled closer to me. "Who cares?" she murmured, sticking her thumb in her mouth like she was a baby. It was childish but endearing at the same time.

I was starting to get worried and I pressed my lips to her forehead. "Are you feeling okay, Alex?" I asked, concerned. "Are you sick?"

She sighed and took her finger out of her mouth. "I have a stomachache."

"Cramps?"

She nodded.

I knitted my brows in concern. She usually didn't get menstrual cramps. I did, and they were utterly painful, but Alex very rarely had cramps. She was lucky in that regard. We laughed about it sometimes.

Nevertheless, I said, "I'll get you a Midol if you want."

She shook her head and said primly, "Those things can destroy your liver."

I laughed. "Not if you just take two of them. If you took thirty, maybe."

But still she refused, and I should have expected it. Alex never liked putting foreign substances into her body. She was terrified of needles and most medications – she wouldn't take them unless she was deathly ill, and even then, she looked up every single little ingredient and its potential side effects.

"I'll run you a nice, hot bath," I offered. She did that for me sometimes when I had bad cramps and it helped.

She shook her head again. "No, thank you," she said quietly. "I'll be okay."

"Are you sure, Alex?"

Rolling onto her side so she was facing away from me, she nodded. In a distant voice, she repeated, "I'll be okay."

I sighed. "Okay, baby. You take it easy today. I'll call Liz if you want me to. We can live without you for one day."

She smiled weakly. "Thanks, Liv." She rolled onto her back again, wincing and murmuring, "Ouch."

"Did you hurt yourself?" I asked, even though I knew she wouldn't tell me.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Can we stop it with the interrogation? I have bad cramps. Please call Liz for me."

It was not a suggestion but a thinly veiled order. I obediently took out my cell phone and dialed the DA's office, praying that Liz wouldn't pick up.

No such luck. She answered with a crisp, "Donnelly."

"Um, Judge Donnelly," I said awkwardly. "It's Detective Benson."

"I know," she snapped. "Is there a particular reason why you're calling me at seven in the morning?"

I blushed, glancing at Alex, who was clearly enjoying this. "My apologies. Alex . . . called me. She asked me to tell you she's not feeling well and she won't be in today."

"I'm guessing that you're not feeling well either," said Liz mildly.

"Actually, I'm feeling fine and I will be going to work as usual," I replied, flushing. I hated how Alex's boss could always make me feel like I was five years old. Or like I was a horny teenager with a crush. I always wondered which was worse.

"Fine." Liz clearly wasn't buying it, but she didn't really have a choice. "Say hello to her for me, Detective. And tell her to enjoy her one and only day off for the next decade."

**So what do you think is up with Alex? Would you like to find out? Review for chapter six!**


	6. Chapter 6

I was preoccupied and grumpy when I got in to the precinct that morning. "What's wrong, Liv?" asked John mildly. "Cabot not give you any last night?"

I flipped him off and plopped down at my desk. "Screw you."

I spent the day doing the usual, consoling victims, trying to weasel confessions out of perps, trying not to focus on Alex.

I called her at lunchtime. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I was unable to help myself.

She answered on the first ring. "Cabot."

"Hey, Alex. It's me." I could hear her sigh and I immediately felt bad, but I pushed on anyway. "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

I could tell even without seeing her that she was rolling her eyes. "I'm fine, Liv."

"Did you take a Midol?"

"No, _Mom_, I didn't. If that's all you called to ask me –"

"No, it wasn't," I said quickly. "I called to tell you I love you."

I could feel her smile without seeing it. "I love you, too."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Liv, we caught a case." _Elliot_.

"I've got to go," I told Alex. "I'll see you in a bit, honey, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed softly. "Bye."

I hung up the phone and just sat there for a moment, staring into space, my mind racing so quickly that it wasn't processing anything at all. Elliot's voice cut into my thoughts. "Liv. The case."

"Right." I got up, grabbed my coat, and followed him to the car, trying to push all thoughts of Alex from my mind. It didn't work.

* * *

I got home to find Alex lying in bed, asleep. Three or four blankets were piled on top of her and her blonde hair was splayed over her face. She looked so angelic – so _innocent _– that it took my breath away for a moment.

Alex stirred and opened her eyes. Her body visibly tensed when she noticed my presence, but then relaxed when she realized it was just me.

I sat down on the bed beside her and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, gently threading my fingers through her hair. "Hey, princess," I said quietly. "How are you doing?"

She leaned into the touch and gave me a watery smile. "Fine."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She rolled over, breaking the contact, and said sharply, "No."

"Okay," I said quickly. "We don't have to." But all I wanted was to know what was bothering her, what was wrong, why she was so upset. How I could help her.

She sighed and faced me again. "Sorry," she said, but there was no real contrition in her tone.

"You don't sound very sorry at all," I pointed out, trying to add a bit of levity to the situation. She didn't say anything, and then I realized that was probably not the right thing to do. So I gave her another kiss and whispered, "I love you, baby."

She took my hand in her icy ones and my heart skipped a beat. Alex was actually _initiating _physical contact. That was a good thing. That meant she trusted me. "Hold me," she whispered, suddenly sounding young and vulnerable.

It was all I'd wanted to do all day. I was glad to pull her into my arms and hold her tightly, pressing intermittent kisses to the crown of her head. I started to mindlessly hum a lullaby, which made Alex smile, but she didn't say anything. She just leaned against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding on as if she was trying to ground herself, as if I was a lifeline that would keep her from drowning.

My heart shattered into a thousand tiny glass shards at how helpless she was, there in my arms. All I wanted to do was protect her, from demons inside and out, but I couldn't if she didn't tell me what she needed protection from.

Of course, I might be overreacting. I might be being paranoid and nothing might be wrong. It might just be in my head, brought on by an excess of bad dreams. But I felt in my gut that something was wrong. And even Alex trusted my gut feelings, because they were usually right.

She fell asleep in my arms, which concerned me even more. It was the middle of the day and Alex had spent the last few hours sleeping. What was wrong?

Nevertheless, I laid her down gently on the bed and covered her with the duvet. Then I lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around Alex as if I could anchor myself to her. As if my arms could erect a cocoon of safety around her and protect her from whatever hurt she was feeling now.

We were so close that it was almost as if we were one body rather than two. Sometimes I wished we were, so I could shoulder all of Alex's pain for her, so I could bear her hardships and solve all her problems. I knew I couldn't – _shouldn't _– but I loved my Alex, and all I wanted was to help her and make her feel better. She deserved so much. She was perfect, beauty and intelligence and kindness and virtue all at once. She was an angel and she deserved to be happy. I could see the worry creasing her brow and all I wanted to do was smooth it out, soothing away those worries, those fears.

I loved her. And that was what made it so hard.

**Review for chapter seven!**


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, I woke up to find Alex's side of the bed empty. I got up to go look for her and found her in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and throwing up. "Are you okay?" I asked in concern, pulling her hair back from her face as she started to cough.

She nodded and choked out, "Fine."

"Are you sick, Alex?"

She coughed and looked up at me with an expression of set determination on her face. "I. Am. Fine. Leave me alone."

So I did.

I offered to drop her off at work before I went myself, but she refused. "I'll take a cab," she told me.

"You can have the car," I said.

She shook her head. "I'll take a cab," she repeated. "But thanks anyway."

Well, at least she was going back to work. That was probably a good thing.

* * *

After lunch, Captain Cragen poked his head out of his office and said, "Olivia? Can I speak to you?"

It wasn't really a question, so I nodded and followed him into his office.

"Donnelly called. She's wondering where Cabot is. She thought you would know."

I stared at him blankly. "She's at work."

"Obviously she's not."

"She left for work this morning," I told him, blinking.

The captain sighed. "So I should call Donnelly and tell her you don't know where Cabot is."

"I – I know where she is – she's at work," I stammered.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll tell Donnelly she'll be in tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded, still not really understanding. Of course Alex was at work. Where else would she be?

And then I started to worry. "Captain, can I have the rest of the day off?"

He seemed to understand. Sighing, he conceded, "Fine. I'll see you in the morning, Liv."

"Thanks."

I grabbed my coat and raced out the door. I got into my car and drove back home, but sure enough, Alex wasn't there. I searched every inch of the apartment, but she was nowhere to be found. I tried calling her cell phone, but she didn't answer.

I paced nervously around the apartment, knowing even as I did it that Alex probably wouldn't arrive for a few more hours anyway. But I was worried. No, more than worried. I was _afraid_.

About thirty minutes later, I heard the front door open, and I almost fainted in relief. _Alex_. I ran to greet her, but then I stopped short.

Alex looked disheveled. When she went to work, she was always so perfectly put together, and that erased any doubt that might have existed in my mind about where she'd been. Her hair hung limply around her face and she was wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Her face was pale and she looked exhausted.

I wanted to hug her, but I held myself back. "Where were you, baby?" I asked quietly as Alex took off her shoes.

She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and refused to meet my eyes.

I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Alex, where were you?"

She pulled away and said in a soft, dangerous tone, "Don't touch me, Olivia."

I was perplexed. What was going on and why wouldn't she tell me? "I'm sorry," I said, even though I wasn't exactly sure what I was apologizing for. It just seemed like the right thing to say.

She sighed. "I was at the doctor's."

"I could have taken you," I told her, even more confused now. Why would she want to hide that from me?

"No, you couldn't have."

"Why did you need to go to the doctor's?"

She smiled, a dry smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. "That's why you couldn't have taken me."

"Alex –"

"I'm tired, Olivia. I'm going to lie down." Then, seeing the question on my lips, she added, "And please don't join me."

Well, that was a curt dismissal if I'd ever heard one. My heart shattered into a thousand tiny shards. She didn't want me near her. But why was she pushing me away when all I wanted to do was help? Couldn't she see that?

* * *

That night, I went into the bedroom and found Alex still awake, lying delicately on her side, soft sobs racking her frail body. I wanted more than anything to go to her, to hold her in my arms and soothe her tears away. I wanted her to tell me what was wrong so I could make it better. But I knew she would only push me away.

She didn't notice my presence, so after a moment of hesitation, I closed the door again and went to sleep on the couch.

**So . . . what do you think is wrong with Alex? Do you want to find out? Review if you'd like chapter eight!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry, I know this is a really short one, but I think this is the right place to end it – with another one of those evil cliffies I'm so fond of! Enjoy!**

I slept on the couch for the next week because Alex wanted nothing to do with me. And every morning, I woke up to the sound of Alex vomiting in the bathroom. The first time, I went to check on her, but the look she gave me put me off from doing that ever again.

But today was different. I woke up to the sound of quiet sobbing – cries of relief rather than the pain she'd been carrying around for the last few days. I tried to decide whether to go to her and see if something was really wrong or whether to leave her alone, as I was sure she wanted me to. But then I listened harder and heard her murmuring, over and over, "_Grâce à dieu, grâce à dieu, il est parti, il est parti_." I'd only taken up to ninth grade French in school, but I could figure out what she was saying, "Thank God, thank God, it's gone, it's gone." What was gone?

Then I heard footsteps coming toward me and inexplicably, I pretended to be asleep. Through one half-opened eye, I saw Alex cross through the family room and open the front door. She was carrying a bundle of clothes and sheets, and I had to bite back my gasp when I noticed the fabric was covered with blood.

She left the apartment and I assumed she was going down to the laundry to wash the clothes and sheets. I wanted to go after her, to make sure she wasn't hurt or ill, but I knew better. So I rolled onto my side and tried to go back to sleep, promising myself that I would find out what was up. In the morning.

* * *

I woke up to soft lips brushing against my forehead, but when I felt a salty tear land on my cheek, I pretended I was still asleep. "I love you, baby," whispered Alex, clearly believing I couldn't hear her. "And I'm sorry." She kissed me again, and then I heard the front door open and close.

I leapt up the second she left and threw on a pair of jeans. I grabbed my keys and raced out to my car, gunning the engine and waiting. I saw Alex get into a taxi and I followed the cab in my own car. I knew she'd be angry if she knew I was following her, but I had to find out what was wrong. I loved Alex and I needed to make sure she was okay.

She got out at a small building about half an hour from our apartment and went inside. I waited a beat and then followed her. Scanning the sign, I saw a cafeteria, a pharmacy, a convenience store, and . . . an obstetrics clinic. Then everything clicked into place and I started to feel faint. The cramps . . . the bleeding . . . the throwing up . . . Alex was _pregnant_. And that was why she wouldn't tell me. We hadn't been trying to have a child. We hadn't even discussed it. She'd been having an affair.

**Review for chapter nine!**


	9. Chapter 9

I climbed back into the car and waited for Alex to come out. I decided it might not be prudent to confront her now – I should be 100% sure first. So as soon as she was in a cab, presumably heading home, I went into the clinic.

The secretary stopped me when I walked in. "Can I help?"

Even though I knew I probably shouldn't, I flashed my detective's badge. "Detective Olivia Benson. I need to know who Alexandra Cabot's doctor is." And then I felt silly, because Alex probably would have been smart enough to use a pseudonym.

"I'm sorry, Detective, but we can't give out that information," said the secretary. "Doctor/patient confidentiality. You know that. I'm sorry."

I almost stamped my foot in frustration. "Did you not hear me?" I snapped, trying to keep my voice level. "I. Need. To. Know. Who. Sees. Alexandra. Cabot. _I need to know who sees Alexandra Cabot_."

"I'm sorry," repeated the secretary. "I –"

A doctor who was walking into the waiting room seemed to take pity on me. "I see Alex Cabot," she said. "But I'm afraid I can't tell you anything more, Detective."

"One thing," I all but begged. "One thing. Is she pregnant?"

The doctor sighed, clearly at war with herself, knowing she shouldn't tell me but hearing the desperation in my tone. Finally she nodded, ever so slightly. "She was seven weeks pregnant. She had a miscarriage."

I barely thanked her before racing out of there. My head was spinning. This was real. Alex had really been pregnant. But she'd miscarried. My first thought was, _Thank God_, but then I immediately felt bad. And then all that was there was anger. Alex was having an affair and she thought she could keep it from me? How long had it been going on for? How had I not known?

I pulled out of the parking space so fast that I almost hit a green sedan and the driver flipped me off.

I gunned the engine and drove back home, at least twenty miles over the speed limit. I was so angry that I couldn't think straight. But soon, that anger gave way to sadness. The woman I loved didn't love me. It was just like my mother had always said. She'd told me that no one would ever love me. She'd told me I was unlovable.

She was right.

As I parked the car, I tried to get my raging emotions under control. I couldn't show Alex how much she was hurting me. So I forced myself to keep my breathing even and my stride unhurried as I went up to my apartment.

I went into the living room to find Alex curled up on the couch, crying softly. She looked so vulnerable and weak that for a moment, I forgot that I was supposed to be mad at her. All I felt was pity. And in a way, that was worse.

I sat beside her and said coldly, "I talked to your doctor."

Her head snapped up and all I saw in her eyes – those beautiful, bottomless blue eyes that I'd drowned in from the start – was fear. "She told you." She wasn't even angry. Just sad. And afraid. But it wasn't a question and I didn't treat it like one.

"Who is he, Alex?" I asked quietly.

She shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered, wrapping her arms more tightly around herself.

"Don't feed me that bull, Alex. If you don't want to be with me . . . if there's someone else . . . Alex, I won't be angry with you. I just need you to tell me. We can end this if you want to. I love you, but you don't need to stay here if you're not happy."

Alex gasped and shook her head vigorously. "No! No. I love you, Olivia. I would never cheat on you. Never. I love you!"

"Then what is it, baby?" I asked as gently as I could.

Tears rushed to her eyes and, so quietly that I had to strain to hear her, she whispered, "I was raped."

**So . . . do you want to know what happens next? Review if you do!**


	10. Chapter 10

My world began to spin and suddenly I couldn't breathe. _Alex had been raped. _How had I not noticed? How had I even thought she would cheat on me? I felt like the world's biggest loser for making her feel like this was her fault, like I was angry at her. How could I ever blame her for being raped? I never would. But still, she hadn't trusted me enough to tell me. I had failed.

I reached out to pull her into my arms. She flinched, but didn't push me away. She just rested her head against my shoulder and cried.

I held her tightly and pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of her head. "Baby," I whispered, my heart breaking. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to," she whispered through her tears. "I didn't want you to see me like that – like this. But it's gone now. It's over."

"But Alex, it's not over. We need to find out who did this to you. You need to file a report – do you know who he was?"

"No, Olivia," she said firmly, wiping a hand over her eyes to dry them. "No. I don't want anyone else to know. It's over. Let's forget it ever happened. That's why I didn't want to tell you."

"I know it's hard, princess, but he could have done this to other women and he might do it again."

She pushed herself up off my lap. "No, Olivia," she repeated, her baby blues flashing. "I said no. I'm not going to file a report and you're going to drop the topic." She turned and started to walk away, then thought the better of it. "I'm going to shower and you're not going to follow me. By the time I come out, you're going to be gone. And if you tell anyone else what happened, we're over."

I didn't like being given orders, even from Alex, but inexplicably, I obeyed. I changed into sweatpants and a tank top and went out for a run. I could understand why Alex didn't want me to tell anyone what had happened to her, but I knew it was the right thing to do. But then, I knew I shouldn't do it without her permission. If I tried to investigate, I knew I'd lose her. Alex was just as stubborn as I was and she knew what she wanted. Even if it was wrong, I couldn't go against her wishes.

But someone had hurt my Alex. Someone had _raped _the woman I loved. I would kill him. He wouldn't get away with this.

But what could I do when I didn't know who he was? And I wouldn't be able to find out unless Alex _talked _to me. All I knew was that it had happened roughly seven weeks ago. And that wasn't a lot to go on.

I jogged along my usual path and then I repeated the route. Soon, I was dripping sweat and exhausted, having run at least eight miles. But I wasn't sure whether or not I could go home. Alex obviously didn't want me there, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but I loved her and I knew she needed me now.

Or maybe it wasn't that she needed me. Maybe it was that I needed her.

I stopped to take a breather and sat down on a bench, trying to get my thoughts together. I needed to push my own feelings aside to support Alex at a time like this. If she didn't want to tell anyone, then neither would I, no matter how much I thought she was making the wrong decision. I loved her. And when you love someone, you'll do anything for them. Even this.

So I braced myself and started back home.

**Would you like chapter eleven? Review if you would!**


	11. Chapter 11

I found Alex curled up on the couch beneath four or five heavy blankets. There was a fire in the grate and she was sipping a cup of tea.

My heart physically ached at the sight of her, looking so helpless and afraid. I'd never seen her like that before last week. She'd always been so careful to put on a strong, ice queen façade, even in front of me. But not anymore.

I sat down beside her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, gathering her into a warm hug. Even underneath all those blankets, she was trembling.

She pulled away from me. "I thought I told you –"

"It's okay," I assured her. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to. I love you, baby, and I want you to know I'm here for you. I love you, Alex."

She relaxed a bit in my embrace, but the walls were up again. The vulnerability I'd glimpsed just a moment before had dissipated just as abruptly as it had appeared. "Okay," she whispered, holding on tightly to me. "I love you, too." Then they crumbled and Alex burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I should have told you. It wasn't you – it was me – and you shouldn't – I didn't mean to – I'm sorry, Liv. Please don't be mad. I love you."

I pulled her onto my lap and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, gently stroking her hair as I murmured, "Shh, baby, it's okay. It's okay. I'm not mad. I could never be mad, princess. Never. It's okay."

She nodded and buried her head in my neck. I kissed away her tears and didn't say anything else, just rubbed soothing circles into her back, trying to calm her down. This was what she needed right now.

Alex fell asleep in my arms but I couldn't get to sleep. I spent the night holding my girlfriend and making sure she was all right, planting intermittent kisses on her forehead and gently stroking her hair, just as much for my comfort as hers. Alex didn't stir. "I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered, despite – or maybe because of – the fact that she was asleep and couldn't hear me.

I still couldn't believe that she had been raped and I hadn't known. She hadn't trusted me enough to tell me and I couldn't help her and I'd made her feel guilty about being pregnant. It wasn't her fault and I knew she wouldn't have had an abortion. She would have thought it would be a sore spot for me, because if my mother had aborted the product of her rape, I wouldn't be here. She never would have wanted to do that to me.

But that wasn't a problem anymore. She'd miscarried. And as guilty as I felt about it, I couldn't help but be glad. I'm not sure about Alex, but I knew I would never be able to raise a rapist's child. Okay, I knew in my head that it would have really been _Alex's _baby, _our _baby, but I wasn't sure if I would really be able to make the distinction. And if I need any evidence to support such a claim, just look at what raising a rapist's child did to my mother.

Then I remembered Alex's words whenever I mentioned this to her. "But Olivia, look how wonderful you turned out," she told me over and over again. "That's just proof that good things can come from even the worst circumstances."

And that made me love her even more.

I gave her another kiss and sighed deeply. Alex's head was resting on my stomach, and it rose and fell along with my breathing. I ran my fingers through her smooth blonde hair as she slept. Just being close to her gave me some of the comfort I needed right now.

I felt Alex start to stir and gently rubbed her back. "Hey, princess," I whispered, planting another soft kiss on her forehead.

She snuggled closer to me. "What time is it?"

"It's three in the morning. You can go back to sleep."

"Mmm."

She was only half-awake and I hugged her tightly. "You're okay."

She smiled. "I know. I'm with you."

**Review if you'd like chapter twelve!**


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, I called in sick. It was the first sick day I'd ever taken in forever, but I knew I couldn't go back to work and deal with perps and victims, those who had filed reports, when my very own "victim" needed me here with her today. I knew she wouldn't want me to think of her as a victim, so I tried not to, but it hurt. So much.

I told the captain I was going to take a week, even though I knew I probably wouldn't use it. He agreed even though I didn't tell him what was wrong, probably for the very reason that I hadn't ever taken a sick day before and he figured it must be important.

I hung up and went back to sit with Alex, just watching her sleep. She looked so _peaceful_, angelic, with her soft blonde hair splayed over her face. I brushed a few strands away and smiled sadly.

She stirred and looked up at me with a small smile. "'Morning, Liv."

"Hey, Alex," I said softly. "How are you feeling?"

Wrong thing to say. She sighed and rolled over, facing away from me. "Fine."

I lay down back beside her and fitted my body against hers. "Know what I think?" I whispered in her ear.

"I won't know until you tell me," she whispered back.

I grinned. "We should take a vacation."

"Five lifetimes from now, sure."

"I have a week off," I told her.

"How did _that _happen?"

I shrugged. "I asked, Cragen agreed. Simple as that."

She seemed to be considering for a moment, then said, "Where would we go?"

"We could go up to your parents' beach house," I suggested.

Alex laughed. "_I'm_ supposed to be the one to invite _you _to my parents' place."

"Well, no. I can ask them. They like me."

She smiled. "Can't imagine why."

I pretended to be hurt. "They think I'm good for their baby girl."

She rolled her eyes. "Can you stop?"

"Anyway, I can ask them."

"Fine. But I delegate the unpleasant assignment of informing Liz to _you_."

I shrugged. "Okay. I'll call her now." I hesitated. "What can I tell her?"

She sighed and leaned back against her pillow, the fire draining from her baby blues. "Whatever you deem appropriate."

I picked up my cell phone and dialled Liz's number. She answered on the second wing. "Donnelly."

_Great. _"Judge Donnelly, it's Detective Benson."

I could hear her sigh. "Yes, Detective, she can have a week off. Goodbye."

I heard the dial tone and stood there, frozen, for a moment, wondering how she knew. Then I assumed Captain Cragen had called her and perched back on the bed next to Alex. "Done."

She raised an eyebrow. "That was easy."

"Yeah." I was unable to disguise the pride in my voice. "It was."

She buried her head in her pillow. "Call my parents."

"Yes, boss."

I picked up the phone again and dialled her father's cell phone number. The conversation was quick and relatively painless. _Mission accomplished_.

"Okay, Alex," I said, grinning. "Let's pack."

"Let me sleep."

But even her complete lack of enthusiasm wasn't going to damper mine. "I'll pack, you sleep. What do you want me to bring?"

She groaned and didn't answer, so I just started to pack what I thought she might want in the future. I packed a few videos too and put it all in a duffel bag. I wasn't sure if she'd want a bikini or a one-piece swimsuit, so I brought two of each.

I went back into the bedroom and sat down beside Alex, gently rubbing her back. "Okay, baby. Are you ready?"

"Mmm." She raised her head. "Yeah." She pulled my face closer to hers and kissed me softly, a kiss that was both sweet and passionate. I was just so glad that we were back to being affectionate again. Then she leaned back and smiled. "I love you, Liv." She got out of bed and grabbed on a pair of faded Levis and a tank top. "Give me five minutes."

I could hear the shower running in the bathroom and smiled to myself. Alex apparently couldn't tell time, because there was no way she could be in and out in five minutes.

But surprisingly she was, with her wet hair pulled into a ponytail. She was beautiful, even when she was trying to look casual. _Especially _when she was trying to look casual.

"That was the world's quickest shower," I commented.

She planted another chaste kiss on my lips and shrugged. "Ready."

"Then let's go."

**Review if you'd like to know what happens when they get to the beach house!**


	13. Chapter 13

I drove on the way up north and, surprisingly, Alex didn't object. She fell asleep in the car and I didn't have the heart to wake her, even when I stopped for a coffee and a bathroom break. She looked so serene in her slumber that I couldn't bear to disturb it. The last few weeks must have been unbearable for her, and I had added to that. I felt awful.

It was a three hour long ride, and when we arrived, I stalled the car and spent a moment just watching Alex. She was curled up on her side, her head resting against the window, her hands beneath her head. She looked so innocent and beautiful that I left her like that for a moment, carrying the bags into the beach house myself. Alex's parents had money, and they had a beautiful "cottage" that was actually at least eight times the size of our apartment, right on the water. We'd been here a few times before, but I never got tired of it. We tanned on the beach, swam in the lake, took long walks by the shore. We spent our days _relaxing_. It was an almost foreign feeling, because we rarely had the chance to do so.

I went back into the car to rouse Alex, but as I climbed into the car, Alex's eyes flew open. She looked around, a panicked expression on her face. "Olivia?"

I took her hand and squeezed it tightly, locking my eyes with hers. "Yeah, baby, I'm here. I'm right here."

She gave me a wan smile. "How long did I sleep for?"

I brushed a few strands of blonde hair back from her face. "Awhile."

She grinned sheepishly and got out of the car, breathing in the lakeside air with an expression of bliss in her eyes. "Mm. I love it here." She smiled in nostalgia, a faraway look on her face. "We spent summers here when I was a kid. It was nice."

"You didn't get sunburned?"

She laughed. "Oh, I did. Second degree sunburn in the summer of '82, water blisters and all. But I kind of built up immunity to it after awhile. I burn more easily now, actually."

I laughed with her. "I don't burn," I said proudly. "I tan."

"I know, gorgeous. No need to rub it in."

I was just so glad she was joking again, especially after all that had happened.

"Let's get into our bathing suits and we can come back out here," I suggested. "I can tan and you can . . . well . . . burn."

She grinned and followed me into the house. We grabbed our bathing suits and changed into them. She was wearing her one piece, even though she usually wore a bikini, but I didn't comment. I knew better.

Alex lathered on layers of sports sunscreen, SPF 60, while I looked on disapprovingly. "You smell like sunscreen now."

"Would you rather I smell like gauze when I have to bind up my water blisters? I learned the first time, thank you very much," she said coolly.

"Well, you didn't need that sports crap. You're sitting in the sun, not running a marathon."

She rolled her eyes. "Then don't come near me if it smells that bad."

I leaned in for a kiss, a passionate one, tongue and all. We broke apart, laughing, and I said, "Mm, no."

Alex grabbed some towels and we trekked out to the beach. She spread out the towels a few feet from the water and we lay down on them. I wrapped my arms around her and she closed her eyes, smiling as the gentle breeze ruffled our towels and our hair.

We were content to just lie there for a bit, but then it got warmer and the sun was shining directly above us. "Let's swim," I said.

Alex opened her eyes and looked at me for a moment, then shrugged and nodded. "Race you!"

We ran toward the water like we were children again, shivering as we dipped our toes in the cold lake, then immersing ourselves fully and wading further out. I leaned back in the water to soak my hair, then grinned up at Alex, splashing water like a kid. I didn't care though, and neither did she, because she pouted at first and then splashed back. Soon enough, we'd waged a full-out water fight. We fell backward, laughing again.

Then Alex flopped onto her back and closed her eyes, floating tranquilly on the water. I had the sudden urge to destroy the pretty picture and ducked under the water, coming up beneath her and lifting her into my arms. Alex's face went under for a second and she started spluttering, but then she laughed and pounded lightly on my back, shaking her wet hair like a dog so tiny droplets landed on my face. "Hey!" she protested, but I just laughed and carried her back to the shore.

We climbed out of the water and lay back on our towels, basking in the warm glow of the afternoon sun. Alex looked so relaxed – peaceful – happier than I'd seen her in weeks. I gently rubbed her back and she turned to face me in surprise. But then she smiled, and that made everything okay again. I would do anything to catch a glimpse of that smile and I would do anything to keep it there.

**Review for chapter fourteen!**


	14. Chapter 14

We fell asleep in each other's arms again, for the first time in over a week, and it felt so good. I didn't have any nightmares, which was a welcome surprise. For the first night in over a week, I slept like a baby, and so did Alex. She didn't cry out in the middle of the night and she didn't start sobbing. She didn't scream or thrash around. She slept straight through the night, and I was glad of it.

I woke up in the morning to find blonde hair splayed out on my stomach and clear blue eyes staring up at me, twinkling in amusement. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "'Morning, Alex. How long have you been up for?"

She shrugged and leaned in for a good morning kiss. "Not long. Ten minutes, maybe." She grinned. "You're beautiful when you sleep."

I laughed. "Flattery gets you everywhere."

"Mm," she agreed, kissing me again. "True, true."

"I'll make you some pancakes," I offered.

"You'll make _us _some pancakes," she corrected me, then smiled shyly. "That sounds good."

I grinned and lifted her into my arms as if she weighed no more than a baby. Honestly, she wasn't very heavy, and she pounded lightly on my back for a moment before smiling again and leaning her head against my shoulder, relaxing in my arms. I carried her downstairs to the family room and set her gently on the couch. "Relax," I told her. "Watch TV or read a book or something. I'll take care of breakfast."

She grabbed her book from the coffee table and started to read. I watched her for a moment before planting a soft kiss on the crown of her head and starting breakfast, strawberry pancakes and strawberry smoothies, both of which were Alex's favorite. I arranged the table and set out the food, then went back into the family room where Alex was lying on the couch, reading her book.

I sat down beside her and ran a hand through her hair. "Hey, princess. Breakfast's ready."

"Brunch," she said without looking up.

I laughed. "Okay, brunch. You coming?"

She put in her bookmark and closed her book, taking off her glasses and setting them on the coffee table. "Yeah."

I took her hand and led her into the kitchen. "Voila."

She smiled when she saw what I'd made and planted a soft kiss on my lips. "Thanks, Liv," she said quietly.

"No problem, princess," I said dismissively, sitting down and pouring some maple syrup onto my pancakes.

She sat down too and started to cut her pancakes into tiny squares. I watched in amusement. It was just something Alex always did, cutting her food into bite-sized, perfect squares. They couldn't be circles or rectangles or ovals; they had to be perfect squares. That was just Alex.

"I would have done that for you," I told her.

She laughed. "They wouldn't have been perfect then."

I pretended to be offended. "Hey!"

"No offense," Alex said quickly. "You just lack my perfectionistic tendencies."

I gave her hand a playful squeeze. "None taken."

She started to slowly eat her pancakes, taking each piece individually, chewing, swallowing, wiping her mouth primly with her napkin, then starting over again.

I laughed, but she shook her head. "I'm savoring the taste," she explained. "They're good." She smiled sweetly, then added, "Thank you."

I leaned over to kiss her again. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too, Liv," she said softly, then deepened the kiss.

I wrapped my arms around her. Suddenly, I just couldn't stop touching her, because I loved her so much and I was so glad that she was back, really back, and I needed to assure myself that she was really here. I buried my face in smooth blonde tresses and inhaled the intoxicating scent of _Alex_.

She turned her head and smiled in amusement. "What are you doing?"

I rested my cheek against her shoulder. "Mm, nothing."

She patted my head. "Can I go back to eating now?"

I laughed and sat up. She went back to her pancakes and I went back to mine.

"Thank you for breakfast," she said when she was done, but I could tell she wasn't just being polite; she meant it.

"You're welcome, baby," I replied, squeezing her hand. "I'll clean up. You relax."

"No, it's okay. You made breakfast. I'll help."

We cleared the table and wiped down the counter in comfortable silence. There were never awkward silences between us; they always said just as much as our words, and not in a bad way.

The sun was shining brightly over the water when we finished, so we went upstairs to change into our swimsuits again. We went outside and sprawled out on our beach towels, tanning – or, in Alex's case, burning. I undid the back of my bikini so I wouldn't have tan lines (and maybe because I wanted to get a reaction out of Alex). She didn't give me one, just a disapproving look before going back to her book.

I flopped onto my stomach and started to gently run my fingers through Alex's soft blonde tresses. She barely looked up, which was . . . annoying. I was feeling deprived, so I said, "Alex."

She ignored me.

"Alex."

Again, she ignored me.

"_Alex!_"

She looked up and rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to read. Let me read."

"Mm." I leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her lips, then pulled away before she can deepen it.

I thought I was teasing her, but I guess I wasn't, because she didn't seem to mind, just went back to her book.

I grinned to myself and lifted her into my arms again, to which she screeched, "Put me down!"

I had her attention now, and my smile got even wider as I leaned down to cover her face with gentle kisses.

She pushed me away and pouted. "I was trying to read."

"_Was _being the operative word," I told Alex, carrying her toward the lake.

She flopped back against me and sighed in resignation as I waded out to waist level and set her gently in the water. "Why do you do that?"

I shrugged. "I was feeling deprived."

"No, you were feeling attention-seeking," she corrected me. "Jealous?"

I nodded sheepishly.

She laughed. "You're competing with my _book_!"

"Which one of us wins?"

She leaned in for another kiss. "Oh, no contest." She kissed me again, then pulled away, grinning like a cat. "The book."

**Review for chapter fifteen!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Warning for M-rated content ahead. Reader discretion is advised.**

We climbed into bed around midnight after spending the evening cuddling on the couch with popcorn and a movie and making beautiful love afterward. Alex fell asleep right away, but I just lay there, watching her. She looked so peaceful in slumber, her face smooth and worry-free, her blonde hair splayed over the pillow. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and she started to stir.

"Liv," she murmured groggily, still half-asleep.

"Yeah?" I asked, kissing her again.

"Mm." She rolled over onto her side so she was facing me. "Tonight was good."

I laughed at her words. Clearly she was tired and was abandoning her usually extensive vocabulary, because a fully conscious Alex never used simple words like "good."

"Yeah, baby," I agreed. "It was."

She snuggled closer to me and closed her eyes again. I thought she'd gone back to sleep, but a good ten minutes later, she said in a clear, measured voice, "I know who raped me."

Her words were jarring and I jumped, then tried to calm the rapid pounding of my heart. I needed to be calm. I needed to be a pillar for Alex, a pillar of strength and stability. I needed to show her that I was there for her, reassure her that it was okay, be there to support her, but most of all not push her to answer any questions she didn't want to. And then I wondered where this was coming from. Then I felt a small sense of pride, because she trusted me enough to tell me now. I guess I'd done something right after all.

I didn't say anything, didn't even give her any indication that I'd heard, just waited for her to continue. And sure enough, she did. "He started working at the DA's office eight months ago. He mostly works narcotics but his office is next to mine. He started flirting with me. I tried to tell him I wasn't interested, that there was someone else, but he didn't want to take no for an answer. Nine weeks ago, he –" Alex stopped and looked at the ground, and I could see she was trying not to cry.

"It's okay," I said softly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Alex. It's okay."

She shook her head. "I want to." She let out a shaky breath, then continued, "He saw the picture of you and I, the one I keep on my desk. You know, the one of us at the beach."

I did know the exact one she was talking about. It was two years old, the last time we'd come to the Cabot beach house. The two of us were standing by the lakeshore in our bikinis, laughing as the wind ruffled our hair, wearing matching sunglasses, our arms wrapped around each other. Her mother had taken the photo and we had it framed in our living room.

Alex sighed again and still didn't meet my eyes. "He asked me if this was the one I was refusing him for. What could I say? I told him you were my girlfriend. It was just the two of us, in my office, and everyone else had already left. He overpowered me."

She said it all so clinically, with a sort of detachment, telling me all the facts but nothing more. As if she was in court, describing what had happened to someone else. All I wanted to do was make her pain go away, with hugs and kisses and sweet nothings whispered in her ear. But I didn't move. I just watched her and waited.

Then something broke inside and she said quickly, with desperation lacing her tone, "I tried to fight, really, I did. But he was stronger. He was bigger and he was stronger. And he took advantage."

She rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms more tightly around her. She didn't cry. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought she was just as composed as ever. But in those bottomless, beautiful blue eyes, I saw the storm that lay beneath the surface. She was afraid, but she was trying to be strong. Whether it for me or for herself was anyone's guess.

"What's his name, Alex?" I asked her quietly, even though I knew I shouldn't, even though I knew she wouldn't tell me.

Surprisingly, though, she did. "Marcus Wilder," she replied in a voice so soft that it was barely audible.

"Do you want to press charges?" It was a pointless question and I think she knew it. I would kill this bastard with my bare hands.

She inhaled deeply, then let out the breath, making her frail body shake with the exertion. "I'm ready," she murmured, then looked up, meeting my eyes and repeating in a much stronger voice, "I'm ready."

I kissed her forehead, letting out a deep sigh of relief. She'd told me now, and that meant she trusted me. I loved her so much. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this, baby," I whispered, trying not to let my own voice break. "I love you, Alex, and nothing will ever change that. You're so brave." I kissed her again. "I'm proud of you." I regretted the words the moment I said them, fearing they would sound patronizing, but she relaxed in my arms and I could tell I'd said the right thing.

She nestled even closer to me. "I love you, too, Liv." She looked at the ground, then up at me. "And I'm sorry."

I hugged her tightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Don't feel bad, Liv. I just –"

"You weren't ready. That's okay. I understand, Alex. I may not like it, but I understand."

She sighed. "You're so good to me."

That just about broke my heart. But there we were, lying side by side, as close as two people could possibly be. And for now, at least, that was enough.

**Review for chapter sixteen!**


	16. Chapter 16

We rented a sea-doo the next day. Alex hadn't been on one before and she was a bit afraid, and she clung tightly to my back as I maneuvered it away from the shore. "Don't go too fast," she pleaded.

I had half a mind to accelerate up to sixty just because she'd said that, but then I decided to be nice and ease her into it. I knew she'd love the sea-doo once we got out on the water.

I accelerated only to ten miles an hour, then stopped, even though to me it was slow and boring. Clearly, Alex was okay, because she loosened her grip on my back. "Are you good?" I asked over the whirr of the engine, and when she nodded into my neck, I continued, "Can I go faster?"

She nodded again, so I pushed the speedometer up a bit higher, to twenty-five. Her grasp tightened, but she wasn't screaming or giving me the thumbs down, which was what I'd told her to do if we were going too fast.

"Is that okay?" I asked anyway, and she nodded into my back again.

Soon we were at fifty, skimming over the waves as I maneuvered the sea-doo around in a huge circle on the open water. Alex clung to me, but I could hear her laughing as we tilted a bit to the side and water sloshed into the vehicle, halfway to our knees.

"Is that good?" I called over the roar of the engine, and she nodded into the back of my neck.

"It's awesome!"

We flew over another wave, but this time we landed on it instead of over it and water sprayed into our hair and eyes. Sorry, _her_ hair and _my_ eyes, because Alex was behind me and she'd buried her head in my neck again. I blinked a few times, trying to remove the water from my eyes, but the water was immediately replaced with more droplets, and soon I was all wet. I could hear Alex giggling behind me, because I was soaked and she wasn't.

"Stop it," I told her, but I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Go _around _the wave, Evil Kneivel," she instructed as we skimmed another wave. "You're not a superhero."

"Are you sure?" But more water splashed onto the sea-doo, soaking my hair again, proving Alex's point. By now I was freezing cold and I slowed the vehicle down. "Let's get lunch. I'm cold."

"Are those two things supposed to be related?" asked Alex, amusement evident in her tone.

I rolled my eyes, even though I knew she couldn't see. "Yes. But you do like this, right?"

Alex laughed. "You were right. Lesson learned." She hesitated. "So what are we eating? Fish?"

I laughed with her. "There's a restaurant by the lake a few miles up. It's at the marina where your dad used to have his yacht."

"Wait, my dad used to have a yacht?"

"He never told you? When he was little his parents had a boat. He told me the best places to go on the lake."

"But that was almost fifty years ago! This place might not even exist now."

"Trust me," I told her. "It does. Can I take you there?"

"Are we dressed appropriately?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Probably not, but who cares?" We were both wearing bikinis and flip flops, but it wasn't _that _fancy. And the restaurant was for boaters and beachgoers, so I was pretty sure we wouldn't be the only ones dressed like that.

"Okay. Drive on!"

I accelerated again, and within minutes we'd arrived at the marina. I docked the sea-doo and we went inside. We were led to a table by the window, overlooking the clear blue lake. We ordered a glass on wine to share and examined the menu.

"You know what?" said Alex quietly, startling me. "I'm having a really good time."

I smile and squeezed her hand. "Me, too."

"And the sea-doo isn't that bad. In fact, I actually like it."

I laughed. "It's not a punishment, baby."

"_Right_," she said sarcastically. "Just like that rollercoaster on Coney Island wasn't a punishment."

"That was a bet," I told her. "That was different."

"I threw up!" she exclaimed. "Twice."

I made a face. "No need to remind me. I cleaned it up, remember?"

She smiled sheepishly and kissed my cheek. "That's why I love you," she said sweetly.

"Only one of the many reasons."

"That's right," she agreed. "I also admire how gorgeous you are, and how fast you can drive a sea-doo without crashing it, and your overinflated ego which causes you delusions of invincibility."

"Thanks," I said bitterly. "Put that on my gravestone someday, will you? 'Here lies Olivia Benson, who had an overinflated ego which caused her delusions of invincibility.'"

Alex grinned. "I'll file that away for future reference."

* * *

We ate and walked along the lakeshore for about ten minutes before getting back on the sea-doo. We booted around for about half an hour, and then I heard Alex scream.

I figured we were either going to hit something or we were going too fast, so I immediately cut the engine, which probably wasn't such a smart idea because the momentum tipped the sea-doo and sent us both flying. I ended up belly-flopping into the water, but Alex, being naturally graceful, rolled in and emerged a moment later, clinging to the side of the sea-doo.

I came up spluttering, absolutely drenched. "Alex, what's wrong?" I panted.

She was perfectly under control and shrugged. "Nothing."

"Then why'd you scream?"

She smiled sheepishly. "There was a bug crawling up my back. It was a mosquito. It bit me, look!"

I fell backward again, laughing hysterically. Alex, though, had clearly been serious, so I felt bad for a moment, but then she joined me and everything was okay.

**Review for chapter seventeen!**


	17. Chapter 17

We swam around for ten minutes or so until we realized how cold the water was, and then we got back on the sea-doo and went back to the Cabots' beach house, tying the sea-doo up on the dock so we could use it tomorrow.

"Liv," whined Alex as we started back up the path to the house. "I got mosquito bites."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure your parents have some calamine lotion or something in their washroom."

"Did you know mosquitoes are attracted to fair skin?" she asked.

"So am I," I told her.

She stopped for a moment, clearly trying to figure it out, then laughed. "I'm attracted to – whatever color you want to call your skin, olive or something."

"No, you're just attracted to me."

"Well, let's not get all pedantic," she said, rolling her eyes.

We went into the house and I fixed Alex a cup of tea and myself a cup of coffee while she changed into shorts and a tank top and pulled her wet hair into a ponytail.

She smiled when I handed her the mug and lay down on the couch. "Thanks, baby."

I pulled off my swimsuit and sat down on her lap, which made her giggle, but she pushed me off anyway.

"You're all wet!" she exclaimed.

I shrugged. "Well, you got changed and I made you tea."

"Okay, go get changed!"

I sighed theatrically, but obediently scampered into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I came out smirking. "Better?"

She smiled indulgently. "Much." I sat down on her lap again and she wrapped her arms around my stomach. "Love you, Liv," she said, kissing my neck.

"Love you, too, baby," I replied. That was one of the things I treasured most about our relationship – we declared our love for each other several times throughout the day, and it made my heart soar every time.

She started rubbing my back and I smiled, leaning into the touch. Usually I was the one who held her, rubbed her back, stroked her hair, covered her with kisses, but it was nice on the rare occasion that our "roles" were reversed.

I reached over to grab the remote control and clicked it on, aimlessly flipping channels.

Alex planted a soft kiss on my shoulder blade. "Mm. I don't think you understand the meaning of 'silence is golden.'"

"Oh, I understand it. I just choose to discount it."

She laughed and pried the remote out of my hand, turning off the television. She stroked her hands up and down my sides, sending sparks of electricity through my body. "You're so beautiful," she murmured.

"Mm." I smiled contentedly. "Flattery will get you everywhere, eh?"

"I'm getting somewhere anyway, I think," she said mildly, lifting my shirt and caressing my stomach.

I shifted to get more comfortable on her lap. "Mm," I agreed eloquently, stifling a moan at the fire that ignited in my stomach from just the gentle touch.

She grinned and abruptly broke the physical contact. She pushed me off her lap and said, "I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat."

I pouted, knowing she was just trying to tease me. It was working. "_Alex_."

But she was already halfway to the kitchen. "You think my parents left us some Perrier?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. And in the unlikely event that they didn't, you can have normal tap water like a normal person."

She looked wounded. "I _am _a normal person."

I laughed. "You want me to run out and get some?"

Alex rummaged around in the cupboard and came up empty. "That's okay."

"I'll make you a sandwich," I offered.

"I can make my own sandwich."

"Hey, I'm doing you a favor, not trying to make you feel dependent."

She pushed her glasses up her nose. "I feel the need to assert my independence."

I laughed. "Okay, you win. I'm going to lie down. Feel free to join me if you so desire."

She laughed with me. "Give me five minutes."

She came into the family room a few minutes later with a glass of water and a turkey sandwich. She sat down beside me and started to eat, carefully, taking one small bite a time, chewing, swallowing, washing it down with water, wiping her mouth, and starting again. The way she ate always fascinated me – the meticulousness of it.

I ripped a piece of her sandwich off her plate and shoved it in my mouth and Alex yelped. "Don't make a mess on this clean white couch! My parents will kill me!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm very good at cleaning up messes."

She gestured to the sofa, where three miniscule crumbs had accumulated. "Be my guest."

I sighed theatrically and picked each individual crumb off the couch.

She shook her head as I started to put them back on her plate. "No. Garbage," Alex said firmly.

I sighed again, but obediently got up and threw the tiny bread crumbs in the garbage. "Sufficient?"

She nodded, smiling sweetly as she planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

Then my cell phone started to vibrate and I sighed, pulling away from Alex as I answered it with a crisp, "Benson."

"Liv? We've got a problem."

It was Elliot and I sighed again. "What?"

"The Macready case. She's changed her mind and she says she won't testify. She wants to talk to you."

"Deal with it, Elliot. We're a couple hours away and we're not going to be back for a few days."

"Okay, don't get all freaked out." He hesitated. "Are you having a good time with Alex?"

I smiled in spite of myself. "Yeah, but if you're looking for details, you're not getting any."

"Aw." He pretended to be hurt. "You need to invite me up there again sometime. Alex's parents have a very nice summer house."

I laughed. "Yeah, they do. And we'll have your little munchkins running around and destroying the place!"

Elliot laughed with me. "Well, we _can't _have that. Anyway, Kathleen says hi."

I smiled. "That's nice. I'll see you on Monday, okay?"

"Okay. Have a good rest of your vacation."

I hung up the phone and turned back to Alex. "Elliot," I explained.

"I know," she said with a smile. "What did he want?"

I wrapped my arms around her. "Nothing important."

"Really?"

"Nothing moreimportant than you," I amended, kissing her forehead. _Nothing is more important than you, Alex, _I thought to myself, but I didn't voice the words. It had taken me awhile to realize, but I knew it now, and that was all that mattered. Alex was the most important thing in my world.

**Review for chapter eighteen!**


	18. Chapter 18

On Sunday afternoon, we were both sad to leave, but we had to get back for Monday. We packed our bags and Alex went from room to room, making sure we hadn't forgotten anything. I told her that this was excessive, but she shook her head. "When I was a kid, I always used to lose a sock here. Always just one. And when I was sixteen, I came up here for a week with a few of my friends and I found thirty-seven socks hiding beneath my mattress. I don't want to forget anything else."

I laughed, shouldering her bag and carrying it outside. "Meet you in the car."

I loaded our bags into the trunk and turned on the car, climbing into the driver's seat and fiddling with the radio while I waited for Alex. I flipped stations until ABBA's _Dancing Queen _came on, and I left it because I knew that was one of Alex's favorite songs.

Alex got into the passenger seat a moment later and smiled when she heard the song. "Okay, I'm ready," she told me.

"Had you forgotten anything?" I teased.

She sheepishly shook her head. "I guess I'm more thorough now than I was when I was a kid."

"Go figure."

We stopped for dinner on the road and when we got back into the car, Alex fell asleep. I had to tear my eyes away from her to focus on the road. She looked so beautiful – so _innocent_ – when she slept and it warmed my heart. I loved her so much and I was glad she'd enjoyed our week together. I certainly had.

We reached our apartment building around nine. I parked the car and debated whether to carry our bags in and then wake her on my second trip or wake her now and have her help me carry the bags in. I really didn't want to waken her – she looked so peaceful when she slept, and she usually didn't sleep this soundly.

My decision was made for me when Alex stirred a moment later. Her eyes flickered open and she murmured, "Liv?"

"'Morning, baby. Or rather, evening."

She smiled, wiping her eyes and stifling a yawn. "Are we home?"

I nodded. "You're not going to be able to sleep tonight."

She groaned and closed her eyes again. "Who cares?"

I unbuckled her seatbelt for her and pulled it off. "Okay, baby, you're going to have to get up now. I can't carry you _and _the bags."

She rolled over. "So carry the bags in and come back for me," she murmured groggily.

I chuckled. "Nice try." I gently took her hands and helped her out of the car. "Come on."

She leaned back against me and whined. "Mm."

I handed her a bag. "Here."

She pouted, but slung the bag over her shoulder. I took the other two and she followed me into our apartment building. We took the elevator up to our apartment and went inside, dropping the bags in the front hall.

Alex stuck out her lower lip and complained, "I'm tired."

I gave her a hug. "Okay, baby. You can go lie down. I'll unpack."

She rubbed her bleary eyes again and went into the bedroom. I followed her with the bags and started to put away our clothes as Alex flopped down on the bed.

"Why are you so tired?" I asked her.

She suppressed another yawn. "Anticipating Petrovsky tomorrow."

I had to laugh. "Ah, _ma pauvre_."

She started to strip off her clothes. "You could do me a favor and tell Donnelly I'm sick again."

"Not happening. I like my head _attached _to my neck."

Alex laughed and threw her clothes at me, clearly expecting me to pick them up and put them in the laundry hamper. I felt a bit like I was being taken advantage of, but I didn't really care. I put away her clothes for her and lay down on the bed beside her, rubbing her back and delighting in the shiver that rippled through her body at my touch.

Within minutes, she was fast asleep. I could hear her even breathing on the pillow beside me and gently pulled the duvet up over her, softly caressing her cheek with my hand. Then I thought again about how much I loved my Alex, and how lucky I was to have her.

**Review for chapter nineteen!**


	19. Chapter 19

I wasn't looking forward to going back to work the next morning, because I knew I would have to press charges against the man who'd raped my Alex. I was afraid I would lose it and kill him if I got too close. I could do it with my bare hands and never look back. All I wanted was for the woman I loved to stay safe, and I needed to arrest this man to guarantee it.

I shook Alex gently awake. "Hey, baby," I whispered, brushing my lips across her forehead. "Time to get up."

She groaned and buried her head in her pillow. "No, thanks."

I laughed. "Sorry, babe, but it's not an option. We both have work."

"Mm." She still didn't sound too impressed.

"I'm going to shower," I told her. "Care to join me?" It might have been a cheap shot, but I knew that would get her out of bed.

It worked. With one last groan, she followed me into the washroom and climbed into the shower with me. For the millionth time, I admired her simple beauty, her luscious figure illuminated by tiny water droplets.

She caught me staring and met my eyes, amusement shining in hers. "What?"

I shrugged and kissed her cheek. "Just admiring how gorgeous you are."

She laughed. "What do you want?"

I pulled her close, fitting her wet body against mine. "You."

She giggled and pushed me away. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait for that, Liv."

I heaved a theatrical sigh. "Oh, well."

We finished our shower and got dressed. I made Alex a cup of tea and myself a cup of coffee. Then I said the one thing that I'd been dreading, but I knew I had to say it. "Alex, the man who raped you . . . we're going to arrest him today."

I expected her to argue, but all I got was quiet compliance. Defeat, even. "Okay."

I gave her another kiss and hugged her tightly. "You're so brave," I murmured.

She shook her head. "Please don't."

I understood immediately and stopped. "Okay, baby. Okay. I love you."

She offered me a wan smile. "I know."

I went to work with her. She immediately took my hand when we got inside – for comfort, I suppose – and I could feel it trembling. I gave her icy hand a reassuring squeeze and murmured, "Where's his office?" She pointed it out to me, and I added, "You can go into your office. You don't have to be here. Thank you, Alex."

I thought she would argue, but surprisingly, she complied. I strode into Marcus Wilder's office, clenching my fists so I wouldn't be tempted to attack this son of a bitch.

He was sitting at his desk when I barged in and looked up when he saw me. "Ever heard of _knocking_?" he said rudely. "Who are you?"

"Marcus Wilder," I said. "You're under arrest for the crime of rape. Stand up, please."

He stared at me. "That's not my name – my name's Theodore Masoner. And what are you talking about?"

"Stand up, please," I repeated, and when he ignored me, I yanked him to his feet and slipped the handcuffs onto his wrists. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right –"

"I know my rights!" he snarled. "I'm a lawyer, for God's sake."

"Great. Then you should know that rape is a felony that can get you hard time. You might see the light of day in . . . um . . . ten, twenty years. If you're lucky."

"Who did I – allegedly – rape?" he growled.

"Alexandra Cabot," I replied.

"Who's that?"

"You work with her!" I exclaimed. "How do you not know her?"

"Please. Do you know every single police officer on the force? And didn't you hear what I said – my name is Theodore Masoner, not Marcus Wilder. There is no Marcus Wilder at the DA's office; I can tell you that for sure. If Marcus Wilder raped this Cabot person, then go arrest him, not me!"

I was momentarily daunted. Alex had definitely pointed to this door. But sure enough, the name on the desk said Theodore Masoner. I hauled him out of there anyway. I didn't know why Alex had given me the wrong name – but maybe she'd just made a mistake. It had happened eight or nine weeks ago, after all.

* * *

Alex was at the station a few hours later for a lineup. Abbie was going to be prosecuting this case, and I wanted to make this as easy for Alex as I could. I squeezed her hand tightly and said gently, "Do you recognize anyone, Alex?"

She nodded shakily, trembling a little as she said, "Number two." That was Theodore Masoner. "He's the man who raped me."

I managed a sad smile and gave her a hug. "You did well, sweetheart." I put my arms around her shoulders and started to lead her out of the room. "Very well."

But still, something didn't seem right about this. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.

**Review for chapter twenty!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Warning for graphic, M-rated content ahead. Reader discretion is advised.**

We were in the interrogation room, Alex, myself, and John. For some reason, she hadn't wanted Elliot to take her statement. Although I didn't understand it, I wanted to make this as easy as possible for Alex, so I agreed.

"Okay, Alex," I said softly, trying not to let my voice break. "Tell us what happened." She looked up at me, fear shining in her baby blues, and took my hand. I squeezed it gently. "It's okay, baby. I'm right here. Just tell the truth, okay?"

Alex nodded shakily. "His name is Marcus Wilder. He started working at the DA's office eight months ago. He mostly does narcotics but his office is next to mine, and he started flirting with me. I tried to push him away, but he was persistent. And nine weeks ago, we were both working late and he came into my office and he found out about Olivia and he raped me – as if that would 'fix' me."

"What specifically happened?" I hated having to ask, but I knew it was procedure. I was just glad the captain was letting me work this case, because it was a clear conflict of interest. But I couldn't just stand back and watch my Alex's pain without doing a thing about it.

She looked at the ground, tears glistening in those bottomless blue eyes like tiny diamonds. "He started to undress me. I tried to push his hands away, but he was stronger. He pulled off my shirt and then my pants. I tried to fight, but I couldn't. And then he pulled off my bra . . . and my panties . . . and then his hands." She closed her eyes. "They were all over me. He didn't talk. He just pushed me onto the desk and pulled down his pants and he – he raped me." She looked up at me. "That's it."

"Do you remember what day this happened?"

She nodded. "May 21, I think. It was a Wednesday."

I thought back to that day. She hadn't come home until late. I'd waited up for her and she'd finally arrived at three in the morning, exhausted. Yes, her clothes had been a bit dishevelled. She'd flopped down on the bed and cried herself to sleep, and she'd pulled away when I'd tried to hold her. I inwardly cursed myself. How hadn't I noticed?

"Do you remember what time it was?" I asked.

"I know it was after 10:00. Maybe eleven? Everyone else had gone home. It was just me and him."

"Sweetie, the man who we arrested – his name's not Marcus Wilder. His name's Theodore Masoner," I said gently. "Did you make a mistake?"

Alex bowed her head and nodded, then buried her face in the crook of my neck.

I pulled her onto my lap and tenderly rubbed her back. I couldn't stand seeing her in pain. "Okay, baby, we're done. We're done. You did well."

John nodded. "Thank you, Alex," he said in a much kinder, quieter voice than he usually used, then got up and left the room.

I shot him a grateful look, holding my Alex tighter and planting a soft kiss on the crown of her head. Her body was trembling in my embrace. "It's okay, baby," I soothed. "It's okay. We're going home now. We're going home."

She allowed me to shepherd her into the car and drive home.

When we got inside, I ran her a hot bath. She didn't say a word as she climbed in and immersed herself in the warm water. "Can I join you?" I asked.

She nodded wearily, and I got in with her, massaging away the tension in her shoulders.

"You did well today," I said again.

She shook her head. "It's not over. I'll need to testify, right?"

I sighed and nodded, giving her a squeeze. "Believe me, Alex, I wouldn't make you do it if you didn't have to. But you've got to testify. I'm sorry."

"I can't." She said the words in a monotone, with no emotion; they were just a factual statement.

"I know, baby, but you can. You're brave. You're strong, Alex. You are."

She leaned back against me and closed her eyes. "If I don't, will he walk?"

"He might," I admitted. "Which is why you have to testify."

She shook her head again, more emphatically this time. "I can't. I'm sorry, Olivia." Her voice cracked and I could hear the tears that she didn't want me to see. "I'm sorry."

I sighed and didn't say anything else. We sat in silence until I realized my fingers were shrivelled up like prunes and I murmured, "Let's go to bed, baby."

She was limp in my arms and I thought she might be asleep, so I lifted her carefully out of the bathtub and wrapped her in a towel, gently patting her dry. Then I carried her to the bedroom and set her on the bed. She wasn't asleep, but she was in that semiconscious state when you're too exhausted to do anything at all, and I tucked her into bed before lying down beside her.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her into my arms. "We're going to be okay, baby," I whispered. "We're going to be okay."

**Review for chapter twenty-one!**


	21. Chapter 21

"No, no, no! Please – please –"

I started awake in the middle of the night. Alex was thrashing around beside me with a nightmare, tears streaking down her cheeks. I narrowly avoided her flailing limbs and gently took her shoulders. "Alex, Alex! You're having a bad dream. It's just me. You're okay. I'm here."

"No, please – please – don't – please – no!" She was still crying and then I noticed the damp spot on the sheets beside her. _Oh. _She'd wet the bad. That was not good. As far as I knew, she'd never done that before.

"Alex, baby," I said calmly, holding her still. "You're having a bad dream. It's not real. You can wake up now. It's okay."

Her eyes flew open at my words and she immediately scooted away from me, cowering on the edge of the bed. Then she saw the wet spot on the bed and burst into a fresh round of sobbing, snapping out of her nightmare. "I'm sorry!" she wailed. "I didn't – I didn't mean to –"

I hugged her tightly and kissed her tears away. "It's okay, baby. It was just a dream. I understand." I followed her gaze to the damp sheets, then gave her a comforting squeeze. "It's okay, Alex. It happens sometimes. Let's get you into the bath. I'll change the sheets."

She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "To little kids! Not to me. I haven't done this since I was five. I'm sorry, Liv."

I rubbed comforting circles into her back and repeated, "It's okay. I'll take care of it. I'll go run you a bath."

"No!" She latched onto my arm as more tears fell. "Don't leave me," she begged.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured her. "You can come with me if you want."

She clung to me as we walked toward the bathroom and I ran her a nice, hot bath. She climbed in without a word and I went to put our sheets in the washing machine and put on our spare set.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

The next day at work, I was peevish and just plain exhausted. I didn't really have the patience to deal with Theodore Masoner, but it was my job to get a confession out of him, and I was going to do it if it killed me.

I plopped myself down in the interrogation room beside Abbie and across from Theodore and his lawyer and said, "So, Ted – is it all right if I call you Ted? – what happened between you and Alex?"

He shrugged. "I never met the woman in my life."

"Well, she picked you out of a line up."

"She probably saw me around the office. I don't know why she would have picked me, though. I definitely didn't rape her."

"Okay." I decided to switch tactics, even though right now all I wanted was to knock his teeth down his throat. "Where were you on the night of May 21, 2010, around ten or eleven?"

He smiled smugly. "I was at a charity benefit to support breast cancer research. At least three hundred people must have noticed me. Call them, please."

* * *

I checked with twelve different people, all of whom had seen Theodore Masoner at the benefit. I couldn't explain it, and neither could Abbie. She said she had no choice but to cut him loose.

"Maybe she just got the date wrong." But the words sounded hollow, even to me. I remembered the day well and I knew it had been May 21. Not a day earlier or a day later.

"Liv, I know she's your girlfriend, but there are just too many discrepancies. If it was anyone else, you would at least consider the possibility that she might be lying," said Abbie.

"She's not," I said stubbornly. "Alex wouldn't lie."

She sighed. "Then how would you explain it?"

I couldn't, and that was the problem. "I can't," I admitted. "But I know Alex. She wouldn't lie to me. She was raped, Abbie, I know she was. She was _pregnant_, for God's sake."

"That doesn't necessarily mean she was raped," said Abbie carefully.

My eyes widened. "She says she was, Abbie! She wasn't cheating, I know she wasn't. Alex wouldn't do that. What other explanation is there?"

"I'm sorry, Liv, but I can't prosecute a case with no evidence."

"You have Alex's word that it happened and that's enough. And you win cases on purely circumstantial evidence all the time."

"But Olivia, we don't even have that. It's not that we only have circumstantial evidence; it's that we don't have any evidence at _all_. Alex's word isn't enough for a judge, even one that knows and likes her, and you know it. He has an alibi and she gave you the wrong name. There is not a shred of proof to support her story. I'm sorry, Olivia, but I have to cut him loose. If you find any evidence whatsoever, then I promise I will get him indicted and put in prison for the rest of his miserable life. Alex is my friend too, but putting an innocent man in jail doesn't help anyone."

"How do you know he's innocent?"

"How do you know he's guilty?" she fired back.

She had a point. But I couldn't accept it anyway. I turned and stormed out of the precinct, back home to my Alex.

* * *

Alex was lying on her side on the bed, crying softly and trembling. She looked up when I entered the room. "Did you – did you arrest him?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, baby, but there wasn't enough evidence. We had to let him go." I sat down beside her and pulled her close. "I need to talk to you, Alex."

She lowered her eyes. "Not now, Liv," she whispered. "Please, not now."

Part of me had expected this, but the rejection still hurt, the pain made all the more intense when I remembered how she'd been the week before, when we were away. Relaxed. Carefree. _Happy_. "I know it's hard, princess, but we have to. I need to know if there's something you're not telling me."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I told you everything. That man raped me."

"But sweetie, he couldn't have. He has an alibi."

"Maybe I got the date wrong."

"No, Alex, you didn't. If it wasn't him, who was it?"

She closed her eyes. "It was him, Liv, I swear."

"But Alex, it wasn't. Look, you've set this ball rolling and we can't take it back, so I need you to start being honest with me. You of all people know we can't put an innocent man in jail. Tell me who it was."

"Liv, you're not _listening _to me! I already told you," she insisted.

"Alex, you're not listening to _me_. He has an alibi and I know you did not get the date wrong. I can't help me if you can't tell me the truth." I hesitated, knowing I shouldn't even ask, but I had to. "Were you having an affair?" Seeing the look on her face, I added, "I won't be angry if you were – or are. You just need to tell me and we can stop these proceedings right now. I don't want the fact that you lied to come out in court."

"_I didn't lie_!" she screamed. "I didn't lie! I didn't, Liv. I would never lie to you about something like that."

"What are you so afraid of? I promise that I'll never leave you unless you want me to and I'll never stop loving you no matter what you say or do. You're my princess and you always will be."

The fight drained from her eyes and she rested her head against me. She burst into a fresh round of sobbing and whimpered, "Please don't hate me, Liv. Please don't. I couldn't tell you. It was Elliot."

**Review for chapter twenty-two!**


	22. Chapter 22

**I know this one's short but I felt the need to leave you with an evil cliffie! I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

I let her cry in my arms for hours, rocking her gently and planting intermittent kisses on her forehead. She just couldn't seem to stop. I couldn't believe that Elliot had done something like this, but I wouldn't have believed that Alex could lie to me either, and now, her dishonesty made sense. It wasn't an excuse, but it was a reason, and I understood. I had half a mind to call Elliot and give him an ass-chewing and then beat the shit out of him for daring to lay a hand on my Alex, but I knew she needed me here with her. It wouldn't help, anyway. Tomorrow, I would deal with my – _former _– partner.

But how could Elliot have done something like that? In all the years I'd worked with him, he'd never given me any indication that he could be capable of that. But – no. I couldn't doubt my Alex. She needed me now. And the way she was crying right now proved to me that she wasn't just making things up. If I didn't support her now, it would destroy our relationship and there would never again be an _us_.

Finally, she ran out of tears. She just lay limply in my arms and I held her until she fell asleep. I stayed by her side all night, unable to fall asleep myself. Alex woke up every hour, screaming and thrashing around with nightmares, and each time I soothed her back into a fitful sleep. I was dreading the morning.

* * *

She didn't want to leave me the next morning, but I couldn't bring her to work when her alleged rapist – no, her _rapist _– was there. So I dropped her off at Casey's place. Casey was her best friend and she promised that she would take good care of my Alex.

I drove to the precinct, seething. I was going to kill Elliot when I got there.

He greeted me with his usual smile and handed me a cup of coffee. "Good morning, sunshine."

I just stood there for a moment, stunned. Then I dumped the coffee on his head.

He yelped when the hot liquid trickled down his face. "What the hell was that for?"

"How could you hurt Alex?" I snarled, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him hard.

He pushed me away. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You _raped _her, you bastard! You raped her!"

His eyes widened. "Did she _say _that?"

_Oh no. Oh fucking no. _I knew Elliot better than I knew almost anyone else in the world – except for Alex – and I could somehow tell that he wasn't lying. Why would she have made this up, though? How could she have done this to me – again?

My knees started to buckle and I crumbled to the ground. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

He held out his hand and helped me to my feet, soaking my shirt with the coffee I'd thrown at him. "What's this all about, Liv?" He wasn't going to let it go and I knew it. "Did she say I _raped _her? You know me better than that."

"I do," I assured him weakly. "Oh, God. But why – why would she lie? Again? She lied about this Marcus Wilder character – she conjured him out of thin air. She lied about Theodore Masoner – he has an alibi. And now she's lying about you."

He shook his head in astonishment. "On May 21, at 10:30, I was out on a stakeout with Cragen. You know it's true."

"I do," I repeated, and then my world started to spin. I had to accept reality. Alex had been having an affair. She wouldn't have lied – twice – if she had been raped. She would have just told me. Or at least she wouldn't have lied. "I'm sorry, Elliot," I said again, and then I turned on my heel and stormed to Casey's. I had to deal with Alex. _Now_.

**Review for chapter twenty-three!**


	23. Chapter 23

I drove ten miles over the speed limit to get to Casey's apartment. I was livid. Alex had manipulated me and broken the law by filing a false report. She knew better than anyone how precious our time was, especially in this unit! I couldn't believe it.

I banged on the apartment door until Casey answered, raising her eyebrows. "Take it easy, Liv. You break the door, you replace it."

I pushed past her. "Where's Alex?"

Casey stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"No, Casey. I'm not." I stormed into the family room, where Alex was sitting on the couch, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth.

"She's been like that since this morning," Casey informed me.

In three steps, I was beside Alex. She looked up expectantly, waiting for me to take her into my arms and hold her, but I couldn't. "Did you arrest him?" she whimpered.

"Why did you lie?" I growled in response.

She stared at me in confusion. "I – I didn't! You have to believe me, Liv!"

I smacked her, hard, across the face. She cried out and her hand flew to the spot I'd just slapped. I'd never hit her before, but I was _angry_. "Fuck you!" I shrieked. "Alex, you've been cheating on me and you've lied about it – twice – and you've lied about being raped – twice. You know what a serious allegation this is. You could have destroyed the lives of two innocent men, one of whom also happens to be my best friend."

Tears leaked from her eyes like large, wet pearls. "I didn't lie about being raped! How could you even think that?"

"Well, Alex, obviously you did. Elliot was on a stakeout that night, and he never would have raped you anyway and we both know it. God, I can't believe I actually thought you were telling the truth! I tried to believe you, I really did, but Alex, it just doesn't make any sense! Explain it to me. Really, if there's a logical explanation, I'd love to hear it, but I'm at a loss."

She clutched her burning cheek. "You _hit _me!"

"Alex, you could go to jail for filing a false report. Is that what you want?"

"I didn't!" she shrieked. "I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!"

"I can't be with you anymore, Alex. I can't take this. You come up with a new story every day and you still can't tell me the truth. You actually had me going for a while. I actually _believed _you! But never again."

"Please, Liv . . ." She tried in vain to latch onto my arm, to anchor herself to me, but I shook her off and she fell back against the couch, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. "I would never – I would never lie – about that!"

"But, Alex, you did."

"It was Elliot!" she wailed. "It was Elliot. It was Elliot! Please, Liv, you have to believe me. I can't go back to work. He'll hurt me again. He said he'd kill me if I told. Please!"

"Alex," I said coldly. "You're lying. I don't know why you're lying. I don't know what you're so afraid of. But you just have to tell me the truth."

"I _am_!" she insisted. "God, Liv, I am! I am!"

"No, Alex, you're not," I said firmly. "You keep lying. Do you want to break up my friendship with Elliot, is that it? Are you jealous?"

"No!" shrieked Alex. "No, no, no, no, no! I like Elliot. I would never do that – to him – to anyone! But then he – he raped me! I was walking home from work because it was late and I couldn't get a cab and then – I was in an alleyway and this man – he pushed me to the ground and he held his gun to my head and he said he'd kill me if I told you and I recognized the voice and it was Elliot! It was Elliot, Liv, I swear!"

"Then why did you lie?"

"I was scared!" she howled. "Please, Liv, please believe me! I can't – don't leave me! Please don't leave me!"

That softened my heart and I sat down beside her. In a more gentle tone, I asked, "I won't, I promise. But Alex, Elliot couldn't have raped you. He was at a stakeout. That night, the night before, and the night after. How do you explain that?"

"I don't know!" she screamed. "I don't know. But please, Liv, I'm not lying to you! I'm _not_. I love you!"

That tugged on my heartstrings. I'd hit her and she still loved me and was begging me to stay. I'd never hit her before – I'd never hit anyone (aside from maybe an uncooperative perp) since I was fourteen and got into a catfight with the school bully. "I believe you, Alex," I said quietly. "I believe that a man did force himself on you and I believe that you believe that man is Elliot. But I know for a fact that the man who raped you is _not _Elliot. Maybe you think he is – maybe he looked like him, sounded like him, smelled like him – but I know Elliot didn't rape you."

Alex buried her head in her hands. "Oh, my God," she murmured. "What have I _done_?"

What could I do? I took her into my arms and rocked her back and forth. "It's okay, babe," I murmured, kissing the burning skin on her cheek that I'd inflamed. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I'm sorry. We're going to find out who did this, I promise."

**Review for the next chapter!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Don't be angry with me; I know this one's short. The next one will be longer, I promise! Enjoy it anyway.**

"She's lying," snapped Abbie after I told her Alex's new story. "I pulled the camera footage from the DA's office. She left at 8:00. Not at 10:00, Olivia. 8:00. I don't know why she won't tell you the truth, but we're all bending over backwards for her and she's lying to us."

"She isn't lying this time," I insisted.

"This is the third time she's changed her story! What makes you so sure she's telling the truth?"

"I just feel it."

"Unfortunately, gut feelings aren't admissible in court."

"Alex was raped, Abbie. I know she was. And it's our job to help rape victims, so we need to help her!"

"Olivia, you're not listening to me. Alex may have been raped, but she definitely left something out of what she told you, and before I do anything with this, you need to find out what that thing is."

I sighed. I knew she was right.

* * *

When I got home from work, I found Alex curled up on the couch buried beneath four thick blankets. I sat down beside her and gently rubbed her back. "Hey, baby."

She looked at me, fear shining in her baby blues. "Hi."

"I have a question for you, Alex. Don't take this the wrong way, okay? I'm not doubting you. I just need to clear up a few things."

Alex nodded shakily. "Okay."

"The camera footage from the DA's office shows that you left at 8:00, not 10:30 like you said. Where were you?"

She got up and started toward the bedroom without a word.

"Alex!" I called after her. "I'm not –"

But she returned a moment later with a small velvet box and a receipt. She handed them to me. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

I opened the box to find a beautiful diamond necklace. "Alex, it's beautiful."

She smiled weakly. "I wanted to give it to you for our anniversary next week." She handed me the receipt and I glanced at the time stamp. 10:23. _Oh_.

I pulled her onto my lap. "I'm sorry, baby. I just had to ask."

She nodded. "I understand." She rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for lying."

I kissed her hair. "It's fine, Alex. You've told me the truth now, and that's what matters."

She looked at the ground. "But the jury won't believe me now because I've changed my story so many times." She wasn't feeling sorry for herself, just stating a fact in an emotionless monotone.

"We don't know that," I tried to reassure her. "You're a one of us and everyone wants to help you, the judges, the police department . . . everyone. We're all on your side and we will do everything in our power to put the monster who raped you in prison. Alex, I'd put the needle in his arm myself if I could."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and lamented, "What would I do without you?"

I rested my cheek on her head. "I love you, princess."

"I love you, too," she murmured. "I know you're going to do what you can. Thank you."

She thought the world of me. I prayed I would be able to live up to the way she saw me.

**Review for the next chapter!**


	25. Chapter 25

Armed with Alex's revised statement, I went to work the next day with a mission. Elliot and I pulled every rape with the same MO within the last year. We got thirteen hits. Eight of the men were in prison and one of them had moved to some no-name town just south of the Canadian border, so that left us with four possible suspects.

Alex was taking the week off, and possibly more time if she needed it. I dropped her off at Casey's in the morning and Casey was happy to have her. I felt bad that I couldn't be with her when she so clearly needed me right now, but finding her rapist was more important. No one raped my Alex and got away with it.

Elliot and I got in the car and drove to the apartment of Michael Jamison, who was suspect number one. It was a small, grimy place in East Harlem, and Elliot banged on the door, probably because he knew that I would break it down with one blow if he let me. "Police!" he called. "Open up!"

The door opened and a burly man with a head of dark, curly hair stood in the doorway. "_What_?" he snarled.

"Police," I snapped, flashing my badge at him. "Are you Michael Jamison?"

"Yeah. What's it to you?"

"Where were you on May 21, around 10:00?"

"Why the fuck do you think I would remember?"

This was going to be an uphill battle. Then I remembered something Alex had said. She'd thought Elliot had raped her because this rapist sounded like Elliot and had his same build. This man fit neither description.

Elliot must have realized the same thing, because he said, "I'm sorry. I think we must have the wrong address." And he dragged me out of there before I totally lost it.

"Well, we can cross him off our list," I muttered, getting into the driver's seat and slamming the door so hard that the car shook.

We drove to the next address, and again, he was a write-off. By that time, I'd chewed off the nails of three fingers on my right hand. I'd stopped biting my nails months ago – Alex had helped me with that – but sometimes when I was extremely stressed, I reverted back to my old habits.

The next apartment was on the Upper East Side, and the man who opened the door was tall, well-dressed . . . and strikingly resembled Elliot. He greeted us with a smile, though his eyes betrayed his anxiety. "Can I help you?"

I suddenly couldn't breathe. He sounded like Elliot, too. This was the man who had raped my Alex. This was him.

I grabbed him and spun him around, easily locking handcuffs onto his wrists. "Daniel Weiss, you are under arrest for the rape of Alexandra Cabot."

He stared at me. "I didn't rape anyone!"

I almost doubted what Alex had told me, but then I didn't. I knew better. All rapists protested their innocence once they were caught.

"Yeah, well, tell that to the DA," snapped Elliot. He grabbed one of Weiss' arms and I grabbed the other, and we dragged him into the car, loaded him into the backseat, and drove him off to the precinct. I could hardly contain my relief. We'd found the man who'd raped Alex. It was okay.

We brought him back to the station and put him in a line up. I called Casey and she brought Alex in.

Alex was a mess. The fading handprint on her cheek burned an angry red on her alabaster skin like a scarlet letter – A for abused – and again I felt awful for hitting her. No matter how angry I was, it was never acceptable to raise a hand to her. _Never_. I was actually surprised she'd stuck around.

But then, last night had been something out of a nightmare in itself. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and she'd let me tuck her into bed and hold her until she fell asleep. And even then, she'd woken up with tears streaking down her face every hour, clutching her cheek where I'd hit it and begging me to please believe her, apologizing over and over and telling me that she loved me and not to leave her, and she refused to be consoled even when I assured her I never would. It was going to take a long time to earn back her trust. Not that she'd chastised me whatsoever for what I'd done, but I could see the fear in those deep blue eyes, and the sadness.

Alex clutched my hand tightly and I could see that she was trying not to cry as she said, "Number four." That was Daniel Weiss.

I had to be sure, though. "Are you positive, baby?" I asked.

But she was, and she nodded. "It's him."

Her knees started to buckle, and I caught her before she fell. I half-carried her out of there and lifted her onto my desk. I took her trembling, icy hands in mine. "Just breathe, baby. Just breathe."

"I'm okay," she said softly, looking up to meet my eyes. "That really is him, Liv."

I kissed her hair and nodded. "I know, baby. I know."

"But we can't get him." She lowered her eyes. "I already identified the wrong man. They won't believe me."

I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "I'll take care of it, baby, I promise."

She held my gaze for a moment, her baby blues betraying her fear, but she didn't say a word.

"I promise," I repeated, kissing her forehead as I got to my feet. "It'll be okay."

I meant it, but for the immediate future, it might not be too pleasant. I hoped she wouldn't hate me for what I was about to do.

**Review for chapter twenty-six!**


	26. Chapter 26

I stormed down to the interrogation room a few moments later. Alex hadn't wanted to leave me – she didn't make much of a fuss verbally, but I could see it in her eyes. I'd promised to be as quick as I could be and she'd reluctantly let me go.

"Abbie," I snapped. "Give me a few minutes alone with this piece of garbage." I cracked my knuckles. I wouldn't actually hit him – now – but he didn't know that.

Abbie raised her eyebrows, making her displeasure clear, but obediently left the room.

I smirked and sat down across from him. "So, Daniel. I guess you're in for the long haul. Raping an ADA? Twenty to life, maybe." I was bluffing, but I was hoping he was too stupid to know it.

He didn't take the bait, just leaned forward, looking slightly bored. "I'm not worried."

"Does that make you feel manly?" I was pretending to be angry, and I was, but this was just part of the plan. I was perfectly in control of my emotions. "Well, I guess not, because you only did it once. Or wait – maybe you did try before, but you just couldn't get it up. Is that it?"

"Of course I could," he snapped, folding his arms.

"_Right_," I replied sarcastically. "You know what? I don't think you're manly enough to rape anyone. So, I guess we've got to cut you loose."

He stared at me. "What?"

I shrugged. "Well, you're just too much of a little _girl _to rape anyone. So I guess it wasn't you, and we have to search for the _real _man who raped her."

I knew this could backfire and I could end up getting another innocent woman raped, and I knew I would probably be fired if the captain found out what I was doing, but I had the situation under control. I had a plan and I was going to follow through if it killed me. This could either be really smart or really stupid, but I was desperately hoping it was the former.

"You're free to go," I added, getting up and beckoning to two other police officers. "Stevens, Jackson. Walk him outside."

Weiss glared at me for a moment, then let them shepherd him out the door.

I took a deep breath and tried not to look too pleased with myself as I sauntered out the door.

Abbie, who'd been watching the interview, grabbed my arm. "What the _hell _was that?" she growled. "You just cut loose the bastard who _raped _your girlfriend and one of my best friends! The captain's going to have your ass."

"No, he's not, because you're not going to tell him," I said calmly. "Trust me, Abbie. You're my best friend and you're not going to say a word."

"What the hell are you playing at? I won't go along with a plan if you don't tell me what it is."

"Abbie, you're just going to have to trust me. I can't tell you anything more, but believe me, I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt Alex, and I promise you that this won't."

Abbie folded her arms across her chest. "You slapped her, Olivia. I'm not sure of anything anymore."

I knew that was going to come back to haunt me. "Did she tell you that?"

"No, but there's a bright red handprint on her cheek and she wouldn't tell me about it when I asked."

"God, Abbie, I didn't mean to! Please, please just listen to me."

Abbie still looked reluctant, but she finally nodded. "Don't make me regret this, Olivia."

"I won't," I promised, letting out a sigh of relief as I went back out to the squad room.

Alex was sitting right where I'd left her, Elliot's sweatshirt draped around her shoulders in a futile attempt to quell the trembling of her frail body. Elliot reacted first and I actually thought he was going to hit me as he shouted, "Why the hell did you let him go, Liv? He did it!"

"Shut up, El," I said, gesturing for him to lower his voice. "He didn't do it."

"Yes, he did!" insisted Alex, her voice breaking. "Liv, he did! Oh, my God, he did, he did, he did!"

I felt terrible for what I was doing to her, but I knew it would be worth it in the end. "Well, maybe he did, but we can't hold him."

Alex glared at me accusingly. "You said everything would be okay. You lied!" I could tell she was trying not to cry, and she was too far gone to even care how childish she was sounding.

I shrugged, trying to remain resolute as I took her hands and lifted her off the desk. "Come on, honey. We're going home."

She started to cry in desperation. "I didn't lie, Liv. I didn't! He raped me and now he's back on the streets and –"

"We'll finish this discussion later," I said quietly, even though this was breaking my heart. I handed her a Kleenex and led her outside.

She was still wailing as I shepherded her into a taxi and climbed in beside her. "Liv, please, please believe me! I had to –"

"Alex," I said softly but firmly. "Alex, we _will _get him. But you have to calm down."

She sniffled but obeyed, resting her head on the windowpane. "I'm sorry," she murmured, and I couldn't keep up the charade anymore.

I kissed her forehead and ran a hand through her hair. "Don't worry, baby. It's going to be okay, and remember, I love you more than anything in the entire world. No matter what happens, I love you, and I would do anything and everything for you. Do you understand that?"

Alex sniffed and nodded. "I understand," she whispered, wiping her eyes.

I took her hands in mine and kissed them. "Good."

I prayed that she would still feel that way tomorrow morning.

**Hmm . . . so what's Olivia's plan? Review to find out!**


	27. Chapter 27

**I know this one's short, but there's an evil cliffie at the end and I thought you'd like it that way. **** Enjoy!**

I took Alex up to our apartment and made her a cup of tea. I got her settled with a movie in the family room, then gave her a kiss and murmured, "Honey, I have to go out for a few hours."

Alex's eyes went wide with fear. "Please stay with me," she begged, trying not to cry again. "Please, Liv." She tried to latch onto my arm.

It was wrenching my heart out, and I wanted to stay with her, and I really didn't want to scare her, but I knew I couldn't. "I'm sorry, baby," I said softly, brushing my lips across her forehead. "But I promise I'll be back tonight."

"Promise?" she whimpered.

I squeezed her hand, then managed to extricate myself from her grasp. "I promise, sweetheart. I won't leave you, especially not now. I love you, princess, more than anything, and what I'm about to do is for you. Remember that, okay?"

She nodded, and God bless her, she didn't ask. She let go, but her eyes followed me as I walked out the door.

The second the door closed, I broke into a run. I knew Daniel Weiss only lived three blocks from us and I jogged to his apartment, praying I wasn't too late. His MO was that he struck at night, which meant I had a few hours – I hoped.

I leaned against the brick of the apartment and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

After three hours, my patience was wearing thin. I'd been on stakeouts before, but usually I'd had Elliot or Fin with me. But this was different. It wasn't a stakeout. It was a well thought out plan to commit what I knew was a crime, and even though I knew I shouldn't do it, I had to protect my Alex. I prayed she'd forgive me.

I waited as the sun begun its gradual descent, and then I continued to wait. I thought about the look on Alex's face, the sadness, the fear. And then I thought about how relieved she would be when she found out what I'd done.

And sure enough, there he was, glancing around as he sauntered out the door. My breath hitched and I flattened myself against the wall, wanting to do it now but knowing I couldn't. If I was going to do this, I had to do it right. I had to make it perfect, otherwise it wouldn't help anyone, especially not Alex.

I waited a few moments, then followed him, not wanting to be too conspicuous. He couldn't notice me. It wouldn't work if he did. But I also had to make sure I wasn't too late.

And then he stopped, in an alleyway, and so did I. He stood in the shadows, waiting.

I suppressed my sigh. This could take awhile.

A few people passed by, but he didn't make his move. He was waiting.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the fence and counted Alex smiles. It was what I did instead of counting sheep. _One Alex smile, two Alex smiles, three Alex smiles_. And then I smiled myself.

And then I heard a scream and spun around, trying to remain inconspicuous. The element of surprise was the most important thing.

She was on her knees, tears streaking down her cheeks as she begged for him to leave her alone. "Please," she pleaded. "Please don't – please – please . . ."

His pants were down and he was pushing himself into her mouth as she sobbed. "Make me enjoy it," he growled.

She scanned the area wildly and then noticed me. I saw the recognition in her eyes, and then the shame, and then the fear. Even in the near-darkness, the message in her eyes was clear: _Help me!_

I didn't think twice. I pointed my gun and pulled the trigger.

**Duh duh duh! Review for the final chapter!**


	28. Chapter 28

He fell, hitting the ground with a thud, and the woman stumbled to her feet and stood there, trembling, too much in shock to even thank me. But that wasn't the point. The point was to kill him and I'd done it.

I wanted to shoot him twice, just to make sure he was really dead, but I knew that would ruin it. I'd thought the plan through, and maybe I'd taken a chance, but I wasn't going to wreck it now. I'd taken careful aim and got him right in the head, and he was definitely dead.

I called for an ambulance and gave them the address. Within minutes, the captain, Elliot, Fin, and John had materialized by my side, along with an ambulance and EMTs.

Elliot surveyed the wreckage. "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy," he said approvingly. "Is this the –?"

"Captain," I interrupted before Elliot could finish his sentence. "He was trying to rape her." I gestured to the woman whom I hadn't even said a word to, who was leaning against the fence and trying to calm her breathing.

"And he just _happened_ to be out on the street and you just _happened_ to be passing by?"

I nodded. He wasn't buying it and I didn't expect him to, but I knew he'd understand.

He raised his eyebrows. "I won't ask and you won't tell. Deal?"

I suddenly felt lightheaded. It had worked. I'd killed him. Sure, I'd killed people before, but it had always felt horrible. It had always terrified me to know that I was in such a position, that I had the power to take a life, the power to decide whether someone lived or died. But this time, it felt good. "I have to go home and be with Alex," I told him as levelly as I could, trying to disguise the pride I felt at having done this for her.

It was wrong, so wrong, and I knew it was. This was what people went to jail for and Alex, with her principles and her morals, she would hate what I'd done, but this – I'd had to do it. He raped my Alex and he deserved to die, and I would do this for her, because although it was wrong, it was also so right. That was the message: hurt my Alex and I will hurt you. And I'd done it.

I knew that Alex wouldn't agree with what I'd done. She would tell me I'd only baited him so I would feel morally justified – which was true, but that wasn't the point. I'd done it for her, and I hoped she'd realize that.

"I'll take you," offered Elliot, but I shook my head. I didn't want to be near anyone right now except Alex, and with the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins, I was sure I could run there faster than he could drive me.

My feet pounded the pavement as I sprinted home. I didn't want to wait for the elevator; instead, I dashed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I ran to our apartment, then stopped when I reached the front door, trying to calm the rapid beating of my heart. I composed myself, then opened the door and marched into the family room where Alex was curled up on the couch, clad in one of my old NYPD sweatshirts and buried beneath layers of blankets.

I sat down beside her and took her into my arms, kissing her hair, but she pushed me away and wrinkled her nose.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"You smell like death."

I rolled my eyes. "He hadn't been dead that long."

"I can feel it." I should have known. She always could. "You killed him, didn't you?"

I nodded, and she sighed, leaning back against me. I kissed her forehead. "He was trying to rape another woman."

"Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying it. Vigilante justice is an oxymoron." But her words sounded hollow.

I knew she would be relieved, but not necessarily pleased. "So you would have had me let him rape another innocent woman?"

She sighed again. "I would have had you hold onto him and lock him up for twenty years."

"Cragen ruled it justifiable," I commented.

"Mm. Not when you planned it." She hesitated, then turned to meet my eyes. "You did plan it, didn't you?"

I nodded, kissing her hair. "Every step."

**So that's the end. Regardless of whether you agree with what Olivia did (which I personally don't) I don't think it's **_**too **_**out there. What do you think? Anyway, please drop me a review!**


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